Talking with Conspiracy Theorists in the Age of Bulls**t

The Age of Reason. The Industrial Age. The Digital Age. All huge cultural moments. But today it’s easy to see that a new age has dawned. The Age of Bull . That’s right. Modern technology allows us to spread nonstop bull around the globe. Lately there’s been an explosion of it. And nowhere is the explosion of bull more obvious than the mainstreaming of conspiracy theories. I don’t like them putting chemicals in the water that turn the friggin’ frogs gay!! Do you understand that?! Ungh! Ungh! I’m sick of this crap! Since this is the new normal, I assembled a team of conspiracy experts who only recently felt safe enough to come out of the shadows and share their beliefs. Thank you for meeting me here in this parking garage so the government can’t surveil us. First things first. Do you hate being called conspiracy theorists? Just the “theorist” part. To break the ice, I started with some old favorites. Who thinks we landed on the Moon? The whole Moon-landing thing is sketchy to me completely.

I don’t trust a single thing that comes from NASA. If we landed on the Moon years and years ago, why are we not there still? Why stop? They made seven “Police Academies.” You know what I mean? Like, why would you make seven “Police Academies” and just go to the Moon a few times? Completely. Who believes in the Illuminati? -Absolutely. -It’s a real organization. They have a website. Brad Pitt — Illuminati or alien? Alien for sure. Could he be part of the Illuminati? Oh, yeah, for sure. Hmm. So far, all this stuff lines up. Maybe I’m blowing this out of proportion. Let’s escalate. In the universe, the universe is so big that I assume there are aliens. Do you think they’ve come and seen us? Absolutely, yeah. They’re here right now, and they have been for many, many years. And what form do they take? They can shape-shift. So, I mean, if you think about it, like, if you’re going to travel light-years and you have that technology, then you would have the ability to disguise yourself.

And are their planets round, or are all planets flat? All planets are round. Which brings us to flat Earthers. Explain to me why the Earth is flat. I’m open to this. I really am. -We’re on a flat plate. -Right. The North Pole is the center of a plate. Every single photo taken from space of the Earth is round. How is everyone lying about this? Just the space organizations. If you disagree with each other… Yeah, the flat Earth thing is total bull . That’s absolute ridiculous. Yes! Thank you, alien guy. Within this last 10 years, everyone’s suddenly talking about it. Like, nothing changed. Yeah, this never happened in my childhood. -Exactly. -What was the shift? The shift is there is an actual — There are people in our intelligence agencies that are trying to promote this disinformation. And they’re able to convince people because they don’t have science in their brains. They don’t understand, like, how it works.

Right. Maybe it’s the fact that, increasingly, there aren’t even many facts that people can agree on, which doesn’t seem to matter anyway because you no longer need to prove your side. You just have to cast doubt on the other one. The political press is among the most dishonest people that I’ve ever met. Absolute scum. Remember that. Scum. So the more we lose faith in our institutions, the more we’ll believe any bull . And now even the most basic beliefs are up for grabs. Okay, so, who here believes in dinosaurs? Absolutely not. You don’t believe in dinosaurs? There’s no evidence for dinosaurs. I have discovered tracks of dinosaurs. What do you mean, there’s no dinosaurs? Fossils. I’ve been to the museum. Those are all plaster of Paris. They’re artist renditions. He cannot prove that. That right there is a bias.

Jeremy seems like the sane one here. So, what’s your truth? As the Illuminati and the Antichrist takes over, Jesus is going to come, and we’re going to meet him in space. Okay. Never mind. Okay. Let’s shift to something lighter — 9/11. Definitely does not seem to have been what we’re told it was. I don’t even think there were planes. Man: At the Pentagon, there was no wreckage. There was no investigation of Ground Zero. Don’t you believe that conspiracies can go both ways? There’s other people who say there were. -There weren’t. -But how do you know? I dig into the Internet, Google, YouTube, all of it.

The Jews. Thoughts? World War II and the Holocaust. What we were told about the 6 million Jews — absolutely not correct. -You’re not a Holocaust denier? -I am. It just doesn’t add up to 6 million. -And let me ask you this. -No. Hitler was a Jew. Do any of you think that anything you’ve heard here today is crazy? Flat Earth thing is just insane. -Aliens. -Dinosaurs. I don’t believe in flat Earth. Go and look at the actual mathematics of the curvature of the Earth. This business about the Earth not moving. I challenge anyone to look into this. I challenge everyone. Satan can possess a world ruler. And so it was more clear than ever. When you only trust yourself and just yell over everyone else, it doesn’t get you to the truth. It just gets you to your truth. The Age of Bull can’t be over soon enough. .

As found on Youtube