Style Switcher

Predefined Colors

Shane Dawson On Conspiracy Theories

Let me just start by showing this clip from your video: *clicking play* “He told me a couple years ago he was visiting his hometown in Algonquin and he noticed that there were three Mattress Firms on the same street. So I decided to pull up Google Maps, and check it out myself. Alright. ‘Mattress Firm near Algonquin’ Boom. Three on the same street. Now just to show you how close they are to each other, let’s look at the satellite view.

Alright. Here’s the first store. Now we’re just gonna go up the street, two clicks *two clicking sounds* And then boom. There’s the second one. I mean that’s crazy. And he’s not the only person that has noticed this.” Ethan: Oh I love this clip. Look at this guys Shane (in video): There are tons of videos of people driving around their city showing how close and how many Mattress Firms there are. *singing* “I need a mattress; there’s a store! I need a mattress; there’s another store!” *everyone giggling* Ethan: what the fuck? What’s going on with these God damn mattress stores? Hila: And there’s one more Ethan: Oh, is there another one? *back to video, still singing* “It’s a good day to buy a mattress, so I got mattress stores everywhere to choose from” Ethan: Fuck *laughing* Hila: He gets to one more store Shane: But there’s some places kids have been Tweeting where there’s like twenty within a city And I didn’t really understand what money laundering was, I didn’t really know But when I really looked into it I’m like ‘that makes a lot of sense – not – I don’t wanna get sued – but it makes a lot of sense.

Ethan: So wait. Money laundering is when you, like, pretend to have sales… Shane: So yeah, so – Ethan: Or people buy like, super marked up mattresses… Shane: No, so basically, you know, back in the day Al Capone, who was a gangster, made all this millions of dollars so he would buy laundromats Ethan: Mhm… Shane: And then take all his money, spread it, take the money to banks and say ‘this is how much we made at the laundromat’ Ethan: Okay.

‘Made a million bucks this month’ Shane: And then the banks go, like – exactly. So mattress stores mattresses are expensive, you can say ‘oh yeah we sold five thousand dollars in mattresses today’ Ethan: Right right right Shane: And just give them that fake money and… I don’t know, like, that one to me really makes sense, I mean Ethan: Well our producer Dan was like ‘there are a ton of ma’- Where/what was your experience with that Dan, you have a mattress store thing Dan: Oh yeah, totally.

I mean I’ve had this thought – I didn’t know this was like a wider conspiracy but in my neighborhood there are tons of mattress stores with products in there and no customers, ever, like, no one ever goes in- Ethan: and they’re killin’ it somehow year after year *laughter* Dan: They’ve been open for six years plus. Never seen a single soul in there, and uh Yeah there’s definitely something fishy going on. So when I heard that I’m not the only one I was very pleased. Shane: And the company that owns all the mattress stores – I think I cut it out of my video ’cause I didn’t want to get sued – The company that owns all the mattress stores now is in trouble for, like, fraud and stuff, all their CEO’s left Ethan: Wow, that’s real, and I wonder what… Shane: They got a lot of fucked up shit Ethan: The real question is, how are they making their money? What are they laundering? Probably drug money or something Shane: Well, this is another thing I didn’t put in there: I didn’t know that, I think it’s uh Five percent, I think? Five percent of money in the world is “black market money” or like, you know, “dirty money” from, you know, sex or drugs or this or that.

And I think the number was like 800..300 billion? It was like that high. Like that’s how much money is being laundered different places Ethan: Interesting Shane: Crazy Ethan: I guess – I wonder if the government even cares at that point ’cause when you’re laundering money you’re paying taxes So they’re getting paid ’cause you’re still like ‘hey this is legit income’ Shane: Right Ethan: So they’re like ‘I got my tax money, I got my 50%’ Shane: Yeah Ethan: So these laundry stores, or, these mattress stores, are ‘legit’ Shane: There’s a store by my house that I think is fake.

It’s like a cupcake shop and the cupcakes are clearly shitty, like, Ralph’s kid’s cupcakes And I’m like ‘these aren’t…you didn’t make these’ Shane: There’s nobody in there Ethan: When we…when we used to see stores like that all the time in Israel Ethan: Like I’d walk by the pastry store Hila: Right Ethan: with the worst – I go – I’m like ‘yanno what I’m gonna try this place’ It’s like three days old *Hila laughing* Ethan: And I walk by and there’s like all these middle aged guys hanging out the front I’m like You guys have to be laundering. Shane: Well yeah..

Yeah. Crazy. Shane: There’s a place – I’ll – There’s a place not that far from here that’s like a sound stage And the front office of it looks like scarface it’s like crazy furniture whatever, and the guys that run the place – no fucks. Like do whatever you want, 200 bucks for a whole day of a really awesome sound stage. And I’m like ‘there is no way’ Ethan: That is something fishy Shane: Like what is going on Dan: Gimme that content Ethan: Yeah let us know, their space is gonna explode all of a sudden, gonna be like ‘hey man’ – um – What other, like, kind of remarkable, strange conspiracies have you come across like that? Cause that one to me was, like, I love – this is so interesting Hila: Yeah, I love the Mattress Firm one… cause we’ve all been to a mattress store and it’s always empty Ethan: How do these fucks.. yeah, and there’s like five salespeople..

Shane: *sighs* some of them I love thinking about.. some of them are really dark – I mean – *laughs* Ethan: I’ve got- Hila: We have some funny ones we wrote down Ethan: I picked some out for me to give as an example; I had never heard of this, apparently everybody knew about this but me: Smurfs is an allegory for the KKK *laughs* *Shane laughs* Ethan: And then like Dan or Alex back there was like, ‘Yeah look at the villain from Smurfs’ I was like I dunno alright, it’s been a while since I’ve seen the Smurfs And I pulled this up – I’m like ‘you antisemetic fuck’ Dan: Real typical..

*everyone laughs* Ethan: That’s what my grandpa looks like *laughing* Shane: Disney has a lot of stuff like that, but that’s cause – yeah – Disney, like Walt Disney – I don’t know all the history of it but yeah, a lot of people used to run all those places were, like, kinda racist and kinda fucked up Ethan: Just classic, good old boys. Good old boys. Shane: No it’s like, when you really look back at some of those cartoons, like it’s crazy the stuff that they put in. Ethan: I mean like the black caricatures, how they used to portray like black people in the 30s and shit was so racist bro…

Shane: Yeah it’s crazy Ethan: Um, that one was – I had a good laugh at Tell me more about this one: Rebecca Black’s song Friday is about JFK’s assassination. *laughs* I have a history with Patrice Wilson too so I’d love to hear what the hell that means Shane: I don’t really remember that one, that was like.. I remember being creeped out by it -I remember it was a joke, but then it creeped me out Something about…everything she was saying in the song like, correlated with the actual assassination Ethan: God.. *all laughing* Shane: Cause like, her riding in the back seat, and there was something about this guy in the front seat It was like very weird it like, gave me the chills because it’s like dumb..

Ethan: *jokingly singing* Somebody’s in the grassy knoll – take aim —-Jesus is an alien. Shane: Oh that one to me doesn’t even feel like a conspiracy Ethan: That one is just like self explanatory Shane: Yeah right, but then like also, all the old paintings and all that stuff, and even in the Bible my mom used to explain to me, like how they would say Jesus, would like, come and talk to people and there was UFO’s in the Bible.

They called it something else, but it was like ‘From the other world comes this thing that’s cylinder’ like it’s in the Bible and all these paintings have these little UFO’s and stuff and to me it’s like, Jesus can supposedly, you know, do magic and heal people, every alien movie you see is the same thing, healing people with their touch, with their fingers- Ethan: Right, and all the primitive guys are like ‘it’s magic’ but he’s just like ‘hey it’s not magic baby it’s a little fucking…zippo” Shane: That one makes sense to me Ethan: Jesus is an alien.

Shane: I dunno. Ethna: Now, Cardi B. is an Illuminati puppet, correct, yeah because there’s this moment where she pauses, right Shane: Okay, that moment, to me, like of course when I first saw it on Twitter I like laughed And then the more I watched it and the more I showed people the – like – when you watch it three times it gets weirder as you watch it Ethan: Let me pull it up Shane: She like, it’s so weird, she clearly is just like kidding Shane *in video*: “This is her being interviewed -” Ethan: So there’s a clip of Al Roker that creeps me out bro Hila: Yeah we watched that one Shane: Oh yeah yeah yeah Ethan: I love that clip Shane: Where he’s just like *stares* Ethan: I thought he was having a stroke Ethan: He’s just like *stares* Shane: Yeah, for a long time Ethan: Like way more intense – wait, let me – let’s start here.

Shane *in video*: “…carpet, and then this happened” Ethan: What is the conspiracy exactly, like what does this have to do with the Illuminati, that she paused? Shane: So, people think that a lot of celebrities are under, you know, like a hypnosis/mind control type of thing Ethan: Interesting Shane: Um, and that when you break out of it or that when you talk about breaking out of it they kind of turn you off, which might have been what they did to Britney, and Amanda Bynes, and all these people that very publicly lose their minds Ethan: During an interview, or maybe it’s not that minute Shane: I mean, I think people – nobody really believes this I don’t think, but it is like, when you watch it a few times it’s really weird.

Ethan: Let’s have a look. Cardi B *in video*: I’m feeling so nervous, a little bit overwhelmed, I feel a little shaky I don’t know I don’t know what’s wrong with me Reporter *in video*: No, no well it’s good, it’s good, it’s good, you’re gonna be good. It’s a good question, like Cardi B: It’s good, it’s a good feeling Ethan: That is… okay, so Shane: Well ’cause she didn’t reference it, she didn’t say like, ‘haha’ Shane: And the interviewer didn’t say like ‘haha’ Ethan: Well what can you say… Hila: Can we watch it again? Ethan: I – like- why…right Hila: Was she maybe trying to be funny? Shane: That’s what I said, I’m like oh maybe she’s trying to be funny but like when I’m trying to be funny and it’s like not that funny or something I say something like ‘anyways just kidding’ but she didn’t.

Shane: It was weird Ethan: What’s the joke about just being like *stares* Shane: I don’t know *laughing* Ethan: Or like that’s funny but Hila: She’s always being silly like that Reporter *Video plays for a moment*: “No, no -” Ethan: She is a very goofy, silly person Hila: Yeah Ethan: I saw her on the Tonight Show and she’s a goofy Reporter *in video*: “No, no but it’s good, no it’s good” Ethan: Oh man, the Illuminati’s in my computer right now, okay I’m scared, why isn’t it working Reporter *in video* “You’re good, you look great.” Cardi B: “It’s good, it’s good, it’s a good question” Shane *in video*: “Weird, right? Like maybe she was just joking” Hila: We missed it Shane *in video*: “I’m gonna show you” *video skips* Cardi B *in video*: “I’m so nervous, a little bit overwhelmed, I feel a little shaky, I don’t know I don’t know what’s wrong with me -” Reporter *in video*: “No no but it’s good it’s good, it’s good, you gonna be good -” Cardi B: “It’s good” Shane: And then okay, if you keep watching, the people behind her who I’ve learned now that one of them is her sister But the people behind her look over at the same moment and then when they look away she like comes back.

It was – it’s very like – Ethan: You know what creeped me – Shane: creepy Ethan: She’s like ‘I don’t know, I feel a little weird, I feel a little Ethan: So maybe that was the joke, she’s like ‘I feel a little weird’ and then she’s like *stares* Shane: Right Shane: But then wouldn’t she say something after? Wouldn’t she be like ‘oh that joke didn’t work’ *laughing* Ethan: So yeah, anyway. The Al – that one is interesting. And whatever she’s been afflicted by, they really fucked Al Roker up Shane: Yeah that – I think I’ve seen a video about that Ethan: Let me pull that – I’ve got this one queued up Hila: We’ve watched that before in a podcast but I… we gotta watch it again Shane: a while ago and it’s like… Ethan: Yeah. Have you – okay – man. This is one of the trippiest things I’ve ever seen *video begins* Lady: “…with Al Roker, will someone do the gingerbread hug dance like this, I’m gonna make it real awkward” Ethan: Keep an eye on Al Roker here.

Keep an eye on Al here Al: “That’s exactly how he danced” Man: “You have to have a certain amount of distance between the bodies” Ethan: They’re live on television, and all of a sudden Lady: “Like they say in Catholic school, ‘leave room for the Holy Ghost’ Anyway”… *irrelevant chat* Ethan: Uh…check out. Al’s checked the fuck out. He is just not there anymore. Ethan: What the hell are you doing Al? Shane: That’s… I’ve seen a dead person die before. That’s what it looks like. It literally looks like that. Ethan: I swear to God I was like ‘he’s having a stroke’ but apparently he’s fine Shane: Well but then there’s other clips of him getting hypnotized on the Today Show and it looks the same So people think that something might have triggered him and like Shane: *unintelligible, drowned out by video* *Irrelevant video rambling continues* Shane: EW Ethan: There’s pretty much no explanation of like..

of a conscious decision to do that Shane: Yeah Ethan: Right, I mean why would you consciously just Shane: Well why would Wendy Williams like when you saw that why did she grab her brain and stuff” Ethan: You mean when she passed out, when she fainted Shane: Yeah it was such like a *gasp* ‘uh uh’ Shane: And then when she came back she was like ‘I was dehydrated’ I’m like ‘what..’ Shane: I don’t believe it’s the Illuminati but I think it’s something went on Ethan: Well, I don’t believe that Ethan: It’s possible her vision was blurry and so she’s like Shane: She said she was going for her crown, to make sure her crown stayed on *outro music* .

As found on Youtube

Posted in Recent Conspiracy Theories 2017Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,